To, Taking responsibility

There’s a puppy in the wilderness, he’s lost, he’s alone. There’s a roar in the distance, something seems at risk. Where’s the hand that backed him? How has he been left so alone? The puppy’s me, I’m the puppy.

I dare say I do not mean these lines in any way to state that I’m as cute as a puppy, No. I’m not. I love myself but I’m not. I’m only mentioning him as a parallel, to show how helpless the feeling I feel is. My credit card was blocked. I live away from home. Alone.

I don’t think you realize the depth of the matter because no one can ever really understand something unless they’re going through it themselves. It was an average day and I had gone to the ATM as is customary after having spent my alliance. And you’re well aware of what happened next. My card was blocked.

I was frozen in time. My hands were trembling. There was too much happening in the instant. I couldn’t fathom to call anyone. I couldn’t. Cars were honking, too much I heard it. The wind was too breezy, I felt it. I as the dumba*s that I am didn’t call my Dad, I googled the situation. I mean why? Papa would’ve known best, why didn’t I just call him.

Confrontations are hard. I didn’t call him the next day either, I didn’t want to confront him. I didn’t want to come to facts with the situation that I had to do this alone. Papa won’t be here to come and just take it all away. He won’t just come and take the card, go to the bank and everything will be alright.

I felt how pressured he might feel. He has to take care of everyone. He’s the one man. Moms are one too, but this Article’s not about them now. I didn’t like the fact that I might have to go alone and get this sorted. I didn’t want to take responsibility. I didn’t want to grow up.

I needed him to just do it. I needed him to take this “getting independent” thing away from me. I needed him next to me. I needed him with me.