R-9 On, Pleasing People

Posted bySarvagyaPosted inRant, writerTags:, , , , ,

I am terrified of upsetting people. I am a person who has this compulsive need to make people like me. If I am standing in a group of people, no matter who it is, I blabber. I will keep on bringing up stuff until I find something that the person I’m with likes.

I hate awkward silences. I hate silences at all, I think. They make me uncomfortable. Soooo uncomfortable. To the point that I will embarrass myself, as long as the people around me start talking. To the point that I’ll tell you something way more than I should. Just so that I could leave with the feeling that you liked me, or because it would help us snap out of the silence we were in.

Even in a friend’s circle, I find it hard to feel at ease. I cannot stay in the company of someone and stay quiet. The one person I’ve ever found I could accomplish this with has been my Best friend. That’s understanding I think. With her, I don’t know. But it just feels okay.

Sometimes, IF I overthink makes me feel that none of my friends except her actually know me at all. They see what I like to show, and the capacity of what I like to show is judged by however much I think is required in my mind to think that the person in front of me likes me. Does that make sense?

Now this doesn’t mean that the other friends are not dear to me, They Are. But, I think here’s where Bonds show their relevance.

My Best friend is the Blood of my Blood. My other friends are just kin. 

The point I’m trying to make is, this compulsive need to leave a good impression on strangers, is not healthy. Standing in a group of ‘friends/strangers’ and taking insults, just because I want to avoid making a scene is. Not. Healthy.

It’s been a while since I’ve realised this pattern of behaviour after some very unpleasant experiences but now I think since I’ve acknowledged its presence, I try my best to change it. But it’s hard. Very hard. It’s hard to change who you are.

It certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but it needs to go. I don’t need every other person I meet to like me, I shouldn’t feel obligated to birth these feelings in them, I should leave it as it is. It’s a constant fight.

Until, The next person I meet.

Published by Sarvagya

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12 thoughts on “R-9 On, Pleasing People”

  2. The first line had me hooked. Because it’s so damn relatable. I am such a person too. I’ve had this thought that it shouldn’t be this way recently and your post was a eye-opener. I hate that I want things to be good with everyone, and recently I’ve tried to change. Love your writing. Keep going ♥️

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  3. I have found that it’s often impossible to please everyone, and it always ends up at the individual’s expense, which in my opinion is not just worth it. We need to get rid of approval addiction and the need for validation.

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  5. In my opinion, we only let a few people take that deep dive to see who we really are inside…we fear they may not like what they see, and if we are honest, sometimes neither do we. So we talk over ourselves and hide parts of humanness..
    Radical self love, that is my new mantra! Love you, be you, embrace you!

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